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02

Oct

5 Day Juice Cleanse: Day 4 & 5, In it to win it

Thursday proved to be a LONG day when my dearest friend called with an emergency with her youngest daughter and asked if I could come over to stay with her 4 and 3 year old from 2am-5am. I had absolutely no problem waking up for this, but it made for a trying day.


Breakfast: 500ml orange/grapefruit juice

Still committed. After coming home at 5am, sleeping until 7am, I still had enough time to prepare myself breakfast and lunch.


Mid-morning: 1 litre pineapple/greens/celery/mint

Not too bad, but not awesome lol. Couldn’t finish it.


Lunchtime: 500ml apple juice

Seriously, this was like CANDY. So so sweet

Afternoon: 1 litre pineapple/greens/celery/mint
Evening: 1 litre carrot/spinach

Again, there is SO MUCH juice and I’m drinking water like crazy, so I couldn’t finish the last two juices. But come 8pm… I was feeling super nauseous. I decided to break for a salad.

Yes, I CHEATED for a bowl of salad. Spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, lemon. I think the juice gods will forgive me. And I felt so much better.

Friday:

Feeling totally invigorated this morning that I freaking did this!! Besides the two “cheats” I freaking did it.


Breakfast: 500ml orange/grapefruit juice

Again, delish.


Mid-morning: 1 litre apple/celery/cucumber

Could have done without the celery, but refreshing just the same.


Lunchtime: 500ml orange juice

This was amazing. The grapefruit in the AM drink makes it tart, but this… just like the plain apple juice is like candy.


Afternoon: 1 litre apple/celery/cucumber

Didn’t drink this one.


Evening: 1 litre pear/parsley/spinach

Not so terrible, the pear tasted amazing. I finished half.

I went to bed a happy girl

I weighed myself the next morning(Saturday) … 227!!! The lowest I have seen in YEARS. Needless to say, I am STOAKED.

For breakfast I had Greek yogurt. It seemed to agree with my stomach so all systems go Lunch was a framers market salad from Togos and dinner was whole wheat pasta and meatballs from Spaghetti Factory. I mistakenly ate the entire plate… which I HIGHLY regret. That did not sit well and I was sick the rest of the night.

They weren’t kidding when they said ease into eating afterwards!

Besides from actually proving myself that I could DO the cleanse, here is what I learned:

1. I do not need caffeine every morning to wake up. No more Go Girls, no more calorie riddled coffee. (I will still drink my loose leaf green tea throughout the day only because it is delicious, no calories, and of the beneficial antioxidant properties that comes with it.)

2. I do not need soda. Water is my best friend for life.

3. I DO have self control. I do not need that snickers at 3pm.

4. I CAN make healthy choices. All day, every day.

5. I can “cheat”, but I have so many healthy options that taste and satisfy just as good!

6. If I made time for juicing for 5 days, I can make time for prepping a healthy lunch for the next day.

Overall, this was a COMPLETE success. Seriously hard work, but I would recommend it for all the strong willed peeps out there.

Ps, I am putting the final touches/posting this on Tuesday, October 02, 2012 and this morning the scale said 230 again… sooo this definitely is not a weight loss tool. BUT the fact that I saw 227 makes me want it that much more!!

Healthy living, here I come!

27

Sep

5 Day Juice Cleanse: Day 3, Easy peasy

Still going strong!

Breakfast: 500ml orange/grapefruit juice

Still loving this, I could definitely have this every morning.

Mid-morning: 1 litre apple/beetroot/ginger/celery/greens

I wasn’t able to make it to the store to buy beets, so I substituted with carrots and it isn’t too bad, but not my favorite.


Lunchtime: 500ml orange juice

So so tasty!


Afternoon: 1 litre apple/beetroot/ginger/celery/greens

Was juiced out by this point. Didn’t drink this one.


Evening: 1 litre tomato/basil juice

Surprising tasty!

I am not feeling hungry, per say, but my whole body feels lighter. I even had enough energy to finish my first ever P90X workout! HUZZAH!

Day 3 is a success!

I can already tell you day 4 is going to be challenging… but that’s a story to be completed tomorrow… stay tuned!

26

Sep

5 Day Juice Cleanse: Day 2, The road to hell was paved by donuts.

On the norm, I would like to think of myself as a pretty strong-willed lad. If I want to do something, nothing/nobody will stop my endeavor to reach my goal.

Obviously in the case of weight loss this is not the case. I have a weakness: Sweets.

I had the best intentions when VOLUNTEERING to bring donuts, bagels, cream cheese and juice for our Tuesday staff meeting, but the road to hell was paved by donuts.

The door to the donut shop was open, welcoming me with loving open arms. I could smell the round pieces of doughy delight from my car. My arms fumbled around the passenger seat to find my 500ml bottle of orange/grapefruit juice, I got out of my car and I slinked inside. The bright lights, sickening sweetness of freshly made delicacies, a faint smell of newly brewed coffee…I walked into heaven.

She asked me what I would like today… (ummm one of everything, duh, bitch.) Composing myself…“I need a dozen donuts please”

“Ok, which ones?” I starred at the glass case of glory. I literally was so overwhelmed with what to choose for my coworkers.

As previously noted, I am a foodaholic. This is like a recovering alcoholic volunteering to bring booze to a party. Bad freaking idea.

I blurted out “Can you just pick them?!”

She obliged. I took a lllloonnngggg swig of my stupid blue bottle of citrus and got out my money. Bitter. Smile. Paid. Scurried out of there as fast as I could.

Donuts go in the trunk so that I may not be further tempted… #IWON

Of course I felt better having not ordered a dozen for myself. I could very easily (and have in the past) sat in my car shoveling in 2 or 3 slices of heaven, washing them down with chocolate milk and gone about my day like nothing had happened. I have no shame. But the buck stops here.

I realize it will take a minute for me *not* to be bitter and not crave these sweets. But until then… swig of my stupid blue bottle of citrus. Bitter. Smile.

500ml orange/grapefruit juice

I tweaked the recipe so it was 2 oranges, ½ grapefruit and it was MUCH better. Finished the whole bottle.


1 litre celery/pineapple/red bell pepper

Fruity with a little kick from the bell pepper, not so bad! But too sweet, couldn’t finish the bottle.


1 litre carrot/apple/ginger/lemon

This one wasn’t too bad either, but the ginger and lemon reminded me of cleaning products :/ couldn’t finish the whole bottle.

Here is when I get home and was so dizzy and drained all I wanted to do was sleep. Even the thought of drinking the next juice repulsed me; I dry heaved a couple of times. I caved and had a serving (deck of cards) of broiled chicken- no seasoning, and a cup of plain brown rice, and a handful of baby kale.

1 litre celery/pineapple/red bell pepper –Didn’t try
500ml tomato/basil juice –Didn’t try

I had zero energy for anything else so at 6:30pm, I was out for the rest of the night and didn’t wake up until 7:00am this morning.

In addition to feeling rested, I still feel excited and committed to finish the cleanse. I know the chicken and brown rice were not on the schedule, but I felt like after not finishing the previous juices and in place of my night time juices, I will be able to survive now and actually have enough energy today to work out.

AND it wasn’t a bagel or donut! :)

25

Sep

5 Day Juice Cleanse: Prep/ Day 1

In the past week, I have noticed my intake of fruits and veggies definitely need to be turned up a notch. After researching a few juicing plans, I landed on this one that I thought would be totally feasible!

Take a look: http://gliving.com/the-rawreform-5-day-juice-plan-for-detox-and-weight-loss/

I really just want to jump start eating healthy again so this passage really got to me:

“After gifting yourself this 5-day break from solid food, you are in an ideal position to make very healthy choices about your post-feasting food intake. If pre-feast you were eating things such as refined sugars, processed starches, animal products and so on, now is an ideal time to re-assess your choices. After 5 days of feeling clean and healthy on raw vegan foods, do you really want to go back to those other ‘foods’?”

I purchased a fancy new Ninja and veggies for the next couple days and am SO pumped to try this out. I have never done anything like this, so here goes SOMETHING!

The meal plan for Today, Monday September 24th, included:


1) 500ml orange/grapefruit juice (prep’d Sunday night)

It took me from 8am-11:30am to finish the 500ml orange/grapefruit juice. Even after a LONG juicing session, the pulp was resilient. I am glad though since in the article it notes to *chew* the juice. Although it was bitter, tart, and acidic, it was definitely not the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth. Not super excited about drinking this one everyday.

2) 1 litre kale/celery/apple (prep’d Sunday night)

I think I put WAY too much celery in the mix but the apples help make it sweeter. I have to take a drink of water after every drink to help it down so that will help keep me full. I could only finish 700 mls. I will remember how pungent celery is and definitely cut it back. Not feeling too hungry thus far.


3) 1 litre watermelon juice (prep’d Sunday night)

I knew I loved watermelon, but drinking it is equally as delicious! Yummmyyyy


4) 1 litre kale/celery/apple (prep’d Sunday night)

 I couldn’t bring myself to drink the second liter of this gross concoction.


5) 500ml carrot/spinach

Finished it all, just like drinking a salad ;)

**Coming to you at the end of day one: ALIVE! HUZZAH!**

Tomorrows challenge: Donut and bagel Tuesday at work. Not only that, *I* am the one to pick the bounty up… wish me luck!

22

Sep

Dont Be Such A Bitch: Insanity

dontbesuchabitch:

Insanity

Does the size of our jeans determine our self-worth? Have we become a
nation of self-absorbed, calorie counting, weighing, measuring nimrods?

Does anyone out there know what it feels like to be ok, just ok with
yourself, the way you are right now? Is there a perfect moment when
one…

Inspiration!! Love this!

Curvy girls, UNITE!

20

Sep

f1ghtf0r1t:

(via imgTumble)
#truestory 

#truestory 

18

Sep

It’s Only Just Begun.

After a rather long hiatus, I am back!

 

With so much to wrap up since my last post, I will fill you in on the good news first :) 

 

As I wrote in a previous post, I was enrolled in 3 summer class and I am happy to report my hard work paid off and I got an A in each class. (Side thought: I wish all accomplishments where as easy as that… as in working hard and getting a letter grade for your efforts. Judging if you are on the right track in life might be a little easier this way…)

 

Continuing with the craziness that is the end of summer, Josh’s family from Arizona came for a visit in the beginning of August. It was so awesome to spend time with them! This of course included meals out and a Giants game to boot. In that, my downward spiral of eating pretty much whatever I wanted, began here. To no fault of anyone but my own, I used it as an excuse… that snowballed…

 

On September 1st, Josh and I went on a week long 1st year anniversary cruise to Key West, The Grand Cayman, and Jamaica. Needless to say, the ease of getting horrendously bad/delicious food was at my fat fingertips, so it quickly added up. I was sunburned for the whole trip so taking advantage of the ships free gym to work out was not the first thing on my mind.

 

A day after coming home from our cruise, we set out for the Carmel-by-the-sea and Monterey were we visited our wedding site, a year and a day later. We also had the pleasure of eating (with our puppies!) at the same restaurants where our rehearsal dinner and reception where held. Snuggling cozy in the sand with a hot white mocha, jeans and sweaters, watching the sunset, it was a magical 3 days of reliving the best day of my life with my one and only. Smiling, soul warming, goodness.

 

It was a seriously amazing 2week escape from reality… that came to a halt on Saturday, September 15th when I realized what the next day would bring.

 

In keeping with the good news, not to keep you in further suspense…

 

I completed The Giant 5k Race on September 16, 2012, in 45minutes and 24 seconds!

 

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I can honestly say I don’t think I could have done it without Josh by my side… sometimes literally pulling on my arm to make sure we met our goal time.

 

Thankfully it was a COLD San Francisco 8am morning with the fog settled in like a blanket on the city. With that on my side, I actually did great the first part of the race, clocking the first 1.5miles in 21minutes. It was the second half that got me.

 

As one would expect, I was breathing pretty hard that second half. We were about half a mile from the finish line, coming down the embarcadero on our way into the Giants stadium. Although I knew we would end IN the Giants stadium, I was hoping the finish line would be right in front of us so I could be done and over with this race… no beans.

 

In a huff of exhaustion and frustration, I started walking.

 

I could hear the cheering from the run organizers telling me the finish line was “RIGHT THERE!”

 

LIARS! NO IT WASN’T! I DON’T SEE IT! I wanted to give up.

 

I fast walked with an elderly woman (who would have otherwise beat me…) she looked at me and said, “YOU GO GIRL, YOU CAN DO IT!”

 

I can seriously cry now just thinking about this random act of kindness. Other runners may have gotten frustrated, but it seriously touched my soul. She saw how bad I was struggling and in a last stitch effort, she offered what she could… words of encouragement. Thank you, stranger.

 

A FLOOD of emotions came rushing in.

 

This is the day I have been anticipating for 4 months. My legs are like JELL-O. I didn’t make my weight-loss goal. I AM A FAILURE. I haven’t blogged in over a month. I should have trained harder. I am so touched by her kindness.

 

I am ugly sobbing. I can’t catch my breath. Josh comes back to make sure I’m ok, and through my tears, we run as fast as we can into the stadium.

 

THIS. THIS is what I was waiting for.

 

A HUGE finish line banner, crowds of people, our picture on the huge jumbotron.

 

We finish strong.

 

We cross the finish line. 45 minutes, 24 seconds. WE RAN OUR GOAL TIME!

One more piece of happy news! I am officially in the 220’s! Which brings me to the not-so-awesome, definitely-need-to-work-on-that part…

 

I still weight 229.1.

 

Although I am 8 pounds lighter than I was 100 days ago… I am 39.1 pounds shy of my goal when starting this blog. I knew going into this journey that loosing 47.1 pounds was lofty goal, but I didn’t think I would have missed that mark that bad.

 Enough with the negative! These past 100 days have taught me way more than focusing on that stupid (still important) number.

 

This is not over. This is a journey I will be on for the rest of my life. What I have learned these past 100 days will stick with me forever I wouldn’t change that for the world.

 

1)   I have ran 2, 5K’s in the past 3 months. I would have NEVER thought that would even be a REMOTE possibility, even as of this past February. I have learned to love running. Guess what self, I am capable of running without dying like I thought would mean certain death in high school.

 

2)   8 pounds = 1 gallon of water. A gallon of “water”, or àfatß, is no longer on my body.

3)   Vacations are not an excuse to get off the wagon. It’s an opportunity to show off your healthy eating skills in public.

 

4)   Whenever I need a word of advice or to tell me to put the Snickers down, I know I can always call my best girl friends to help me through and I am forever grateful.

 

5)   I married the most perfect man on the planet. My rock.

 

6)   I have an obsession with food that I can control.

 

7)   I do not need soda in my life.

 

8)   I can wear a bikini if I want to and look damn fine doing it. Fuck you.

 

9)   I love my body. I really do. I want to make it a perfect for me.


10) Last but not least… I am even more inspired. Finishing that race and being around those Giant people, gah!! Invigorating! I want to train hard enough to do a 10K without batting an eye. 


Which is a prefect segway to my next topic… RE-EVALUATING: I have new goals!

 

Hopefully I will be more disciplined with this blog so that you can follow me to my ultimate goals which are as follows:

 

1)   175 by College Graduation day, May 11, 2013 (*54.1 pounds in <7months*)

2)   Run a 30 minute 5K

3)   10K by July 4th, 2013

 

I will STILL be doing this without supplements, so please no solicitations here. I realize it may take me longer, but I need to do this by myself. This is my addiction and I need to learn how to deal with it on my own.

 

I will also be competing in more 5k’s along the way, suggestions of races in the greater Sacramento area would be lovely! :)  I would like to run a 30 minute 5k before graduating to a 10k, so I have 10 months to shave 15minutes off my current time.

I cannot wait to see what the next 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, YEAR will have in store, but I hope the motivation does not waiver.

I CAN DO THIS!! I CAN BE GIANT!!

Thank you all for reading, following and supporting me!!

(Homework and school are still my #1 priority when it comes to what I am going to write first at my computer, but I will keep you updated as much as I possibly can. Hopefully not saving it all for one huge #tldr post ;) 

[Here goes SOMETHING!]

27

Jul

Having a fitblr is such great motivation. Reblog this if you’re an active fitblr and I will follow you, you will get tons of followers!!

Holla!

(Source: toinfinitebeauty)

25

Jul

If I knew then, what I know now.

First off… 53 days until race day!!!! WHOOT!

I apologize for going so long in between posts! My midterms were last week AND (some) of my family took a vacation to Disneyland in honor of my sister-in-law’s 21st birthday!

In short, I seriously fell off the wagon for a good 3 days in Disneyland… ugh…

DAMN YOU DELICIOUS DISNEY TREATS!

In retrospect, I didn’t do as horribly awful as I COULD have, I did say no to many things I reealllyyy wanted… but having a banana split with my brother for dinner wasn’t one of my finer moments. We DID, however, walk a ridiculous amount and I kept up my water intake (staying away from sodas as much as I could) so again, it could have been worse, but I certainly didn’t do my best.

I did have time to reflect on what this journey means to me though. I want to be ACTIVE my whole life. When I finally decide to have kids, I want to be the one who is running around with them. I don’t want to sit out a ride because my fat will get in the way. I don’t want to look at the pictures at the end of the ride and hate the way I look. I want to be a fun, healthy, and active mom in Disneyland and everyday of my life.

But, if I want this SO bad, then why can’t I control myself in the face of temptation!?

I honestly I don’t have an answer for you.

I am coming to realize that this journey isn’t going to take 100 days, or even a year… I am going to battle this bulge my whole life. What comes naturally to some will be (and is) the most excruciating war I will have with myself… Every. Single. Day.

As I have posted earlier, food isn’t something you can just go without. I just have to simply remember, and keep remembering, to choose THIS (healthy) instead of THAT (unhealthy).

[Yes, I know those are already books, that I do love and highly recommend ]

This morning, I was feeling particularly large so I broke my own aforementioned ban on stepping on the scale. What I saw was seriously a shock.

230.5!!! I am proud to say, I am back to my wedding day weight!! Pre-poop and mid-cycle no less! Hallelujah!

I am also coming to terms with the fact that I hate how much that stupid number means. I need to get better at remembering not to compare it to anyone else’s number. I also need to remember that, even though my number isn’t going down super fast, I am going in the right direction. AND doing it the HEALTHY way.

I will say it once and I’ll say it a million times over, this is not a diet. This is a lifestyle change. I am on my way to becoming conscious about what is going into my mouth and what I am doing to make sure it doesn’t STAY on my body.

I WILL have mistakes, but in the end, I WILL be GIANT.

P.S. To my little high school girlfriend who reached out to me- I dedicate this post to you. I have been in your shoes. I KNOW what you are feeling my sweet girl. TRUST ME, I still have those moments.

#1) You have been blessed with an old soul, cherish it sweetheart. Stand up tall and wear it with confidence. Your beauty will bubble through. This old soul of yours is a blessing because you can rise above the stupid high school drama and BE BETTER then anyone who has ever doubted you. It is also a curse because you feel like you don’t fit in. **News Flash** That is because you don’t. YOU ARE AND WILL BE BETTER THAN THEM.
#2) Boys are STUPID. DO NOT… I repeat… DO NOT put ANY importance on them right now. As cheesy as this sounds, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Stay focused in school and on yourself so you too can one day take over the world.
#3) Nothing I say [or anyone else for that matter] is going to make you feel beautiful in your own skin. Nothing that lasts anyway. Let’s face it, everyone you know has already reassured you that you are beautiful… but you don’t believe them. That feeling of loving yourself is going to have to grow from with you. Sidenote: This feeling? It takes a while to grow. That is normal. It is a journey. I know grown women who have yet to perfect this feeling. It has taken me years to get to the point I am at. It is an ever evolving process. Just know that so long as you strive to love yourself in your own skin you are on the right path.
#4) YOU have the power to control your happiness, your fate, and your confidence. I am sure that your family and closest friends mean well, but this journey is going to be from the hard work YOU put in.

Other than those 4 bullet points advice that I wish I would have given “high school Sheree” years ago… I have no secrets other than your journey needs to come on your own time. Whether you decide today is the day or a year from now, YOU will decide when you are ready and how you are going to tackle it. You can do this girl friend. Stay strong, stay beautiful and be a GIANT!

14

Jul

Revenge Of The Romper

It is a little over a month since I started this blog and I am so delighted I did.

I have heard so many encouraging stories and advice that has seriously been keeping me going. I don’t think I would be as diligent with this without your support-

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

Taking advice from a special friend, I am no longer weighing myself weekly. I am going to use my clothes as my guide and how I feel about myself. I will wait until September 16th (65 days to be exact! ) to have my final weigh-in.

This is also taking a note from Extreme Makeover: Weight loss Edition, my new addiction! It is an AMAZING show; check it out if you haven’t already. It has also taught me that it is realistically going to take me a good year to get me to where I want to be, and I am completely at peace with that. This is not just a diet—it’s a LIFESTYLE change.

But I’ll admit, I haven’t been so awesome this past week on my workout regime. Since the 5k, my shins have been on fire and I know I need to work them out more to get rid of the shin splints, but I have let it slip. I DO plan on getting on the wagon as of tonight.

My eating habits have been more of a focus. I think I’m getting it down pat! Specifically, I am trying to eat small amounts every 2 hours and up my water intake twofold. I have had a few diet sodas here and there since starting, but for the most part I am off sugary drinks. I have made conscious efforts to skip sweets. Or, if I just can’t pass up a particular sweet treat, I eat half of what I would normally consume. I am confident these small changes throughout my diet will have big effect!

I am in a silly mood, so I thought I would share one of my many humiliation-of-a-fat-girl stories that, up until this point, only a few close friends know:

My friends and I have this thing when we are out shopping, that we try on the most hideous outfits just for shits and giggles.

It’s hilarious, you should try it sometime!

It should be noted here that two years ago, when this story took place (after getting engaged but before I started my weight loss journey before the wedding) I was probably the heaviest I’ve ever been. I look back at pictures and cannot imagine my weight during that time. I refused to be accountable.

So, one Sunday afternoon, I was cleaning out my closet and getting rid of clothes I didn’t fit into anymore. I was not in a particularly hateful mood, but it’s not really the best feeling in the world to know you have clothes that you love but can no longer fit into. I collected my big box of discarded dreams and headed to the local Goodwill. I really had no intention of going in as I was a ripe, that whole “clean before you shower Sunday dirty” kind of thing, but figured I had just gotten rid of a good amount, so why not pick up a few items that actually fit?

I found a few things, but then come across the holy grail of horrible outfits. A GLORIOUSLY tacky, floral, repulsive romper complete with a scrunchy waist band, gigantic collar, and pearly buttons.

This is something that I don’t care HOW skinny you are… it is just… awful.

The only outfit you can wear that can make you look like grandma and a toddler ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I just had to take a picture in this and send it to the girls.

I cheerfully jaunt to the dressing room. Adding to the disappointment of the day, I promptly have no luck with any of my thrift store finds.

Well, last but not least, here goes the romper. This will totally give me a laugh. I will take a picture and send it to the girls and it will be hilarious. I step into the legs and pull it up… LOL YES! How awful this looks already! It is a little tight on my legs, but nothing debilitating. I squeeze my left arm into the hole… Hmm. That’s snug. Maybe it needs adjusting… *wiggle*… *wiggle* *wiggle*…hm. I finagle my right arm into the right hole… ohhhh… THAT… is tight. The buttons are NOWHERE close to being buttoned over my bulging tummy or seemingly gigantic breasts. Ok, it’s kind of not funny anymore…

It’s hurting my arms now. Omg, I am so not even taking a picture of this. THIS is a hot mess. I need this off of my body right now. I start pulling and tugging sleeves of soft cotton material that feels like it has been washed a thousand times. Omg… PLEASE come off. Not even a little give. Omg. I’m getting hot now. Panic. Sweating. Pushing. Pulling. Yanking. Jerking. Adjusting… OMFG. It is not coming off.

Maybe if I “Hulk Hogan” it and try to RIP myself out of it!? A silent: “UUGHHHHHHHH!!!!” Nothing. Were there ladies working outside? I don’t even remember. OMG. Twitching. I am going to have to call someone. WHO AM I GOING TO CALL?! And what? Have them bring me scissors!? OH… maybe they have scissors at the front desk? I cannot even walk out of the dressing room looking like this! Shit. Shit. Shit.

SHIT.

Standing in that dirty mirror I look at myself. I remember shutting my eyes and hating myself. I sigh. What a COMPLETE and utter failure. What am I possibly going do!? What COULD I do right now? THINK. After a good 5 minutes of planning escape routes, and ruling out suicidal thoughts… I did the only thing I could possibly think of doing…

I shimmied my clothes back on, over that revolting romper, with what little range of motion of I had in my arms, and scurried out of the dressing room.

Pride crushed, I picked up a random item (so random I cannot remember what it was) and waddled to the checkout. Holding back tears, I paid for the item *MAKING SURE TO DONATE TO THE JOB TRAINING PROGRAM!*…swallowed hard… and walked out.

I have never stolen ANYTHING in my life, and after this experience I know I NEVER could again. My stomach was in my throat for what seemed like the longest walk to my car of my life. I sucked my gut in and folded myself into the driver’s seat. Without the ability to breathe, I cried.

What did I do? This is pathetic. I am so sorry God or universe or whoever is watching me right now. PLEASE take pity on me. My fat just robbed the goddamn Goodwill. Speaking for it, I am sorry.

Thank God I don’t live far; my arms may have fallen off from the lack of circulation while driving.

Face and shirt soaking wet, since I wasn’t able to reach up and swipe away the tears, I get home and go upstairs. I wished Josh was on a walk with the dogs or in the bedroom or anywhere else and wouldn’t have seen my face, let alone the procedure that was about to happen to release me from this living hell, but he was in the kitchen, standing right in front of the junk drawer where the scissors live. Damn it.

Of all people to see me like this, it had to be him. If I was with my friends, we would have laughed and… whatever. We are girls, it happens. It’s stupid but we’d move on. But my soon to be HUSBAND! is about to see me in my fattest, most humiliating state I could ever be in. How could he possibly continue to love THIS?

He sees my face and immediately asks what was wrong. I couldn’t contain myself. I dropped my purse and tried to tell him the story of the horrific adventure I just got myself into. I tried to take off the over shirt, but there was no use, my arms were out of commission. Bless his soul, he grabbed the scissors and helped me out of this cotton dungeon, consoling me all the while. I could not thank him enough for it. And he still married me! What a trooper.

Writing this story, all the emotions come back and I cannot believe that was not my rock bottom. Obviously squeezing into a size (or two or five) too small can happen at any size, but being a bigger girl just made it that much worse.

Although completely humiliating, I am thankful I went through it. It’s funny now, but without going through experiences like these, I don’t think I could achieve my goal. It helps me to remember WHY I want to be GIANT.

AND I WILL!

09

Jul

(POST RACE) 4th of July Family 5k Fun Run/Walk

6am- Day of The Race 
….Tying shoes on the floor of my living room… 

Me: “Shane… I don’t know if I want to do this. I have to pee I’m so nervous.” 

Shane: “Nervous about what? You are just gonna do your best and that’s all there is to it. It will be fun” 

Me: (DEEEEP breath) “BLAH! Ok…  ” 

It wasn’t that I DIDN’T want to do the race. I was just intimidated. Had anyone told me a month ago that I would be signing up for a 5k, would have thought they were nuts. 
WHO AM I!? I HATE RUNNING! I am seriously PAYING money to RUN?! Maybe I’M nuts… 

7:50am 
Our little group gets to the race about 20 minutes early. I am bouncing off the walls now due to a mixture of excitement, adrenaline, caffeine, and the need to pee over and over again. (Did I mention I’m a nervous pee-er?) I am hopping around in line for the porta potties, taking it all in. For the most part, I was in a sea of skinny bodies and flat tummies… Beautiful, GIANT people. 
        
[Side note: How is it that these people look AMAZING without a stitch of makeup on?! TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!] 

All I kept thinking was: One day, I’m going to be you. One day. 

I had a little advertisement for my blog pinned to my back and I could hear people reading it out loud. There were a few times I wanted to take it down. Nobody said anything rude or obnoxious but, like really, who am I kidding? Who do I think I am? Whatever. At this point, it would be a hassle to take it down and find a place to stash it. 

8:14am 
Announcer: “1 minute left! Runners make your way to the front, walkers to the back.” 

My dad, brother, and Josh bolt their way to the front while my fellow warriors and I congregate in the middle of the 800 or so participants. I yelled after them “GOOD LUCK!” and a “WAIT! JOSH!” but there was a good 200 people between us by that point. I just wanted a good luck kiss…  oh… nevermind then. 

Announcer: “OK! Places everybody! Here we go! 10. 9. 8. 7.” 

-I am bouncing back and forth on my heals. Hands clapping.- 

Announcer: “6. 5. 4” 

-Omg. REALLY? I am really doing this right now? OK. 3 miles is a long way. No turning back. Are you sure? maybe…- 

Announcer: 3. 2….1!” **Fog horn blows** 

-No! Here it goes!!- 

8:15am 
It was a slower start then I had anticipated. I found myself tripping over fellow walkers. Ahead of us, I could see the huge mass of runners taking off like bats out of hell. I think I was more taken aback by the little ones! LOOK AT THEM GO! 

I wish I could tell them (the girls especially) I was SO proud of them and they should keep the running in their lives so they don’t end up 8 years later being a fat girl with a sign on her back asking people to follow her blog, trying to get on the righteous path of healthiness. 

But, I figured that would be a little much. 

So I refrained.   

8:35am- Finish 
My warrior giants and I found our stride and kept a steady pace throughout the race. We hit our first mile marker and we were feeling good. We ran on the downhill slopes and made sure to give the 10k and 5k runners that were passing us lots of hoops and hollers for motivation :) 

We passed by Shane first who was keeping pace with the big dogs! Then Joshua, and a few minutes later my dad. High fives and yells of motivation all around! I don’t know if it was just that sensation of seeing someone you know on the course but it was truly exhilarating to see them. 

As time passed, it started to warm up and the sweat started to accumulate. We were coming to the last mile and were so thankful. The last part of the course was a huge hill so we slowed down a smidge. But as I got to the top, I could hear the crowd of people at the finish line. I can’t see anything yet, but we all start walking a little faster. 

Quarter left. 

 I JUST WANT TO GET THIS DONE!  A huge amount of adrenaline comes surging through my body and I take off. I’M GOING FOR IT! 

Disclaimer: * I am sorry fellow warrior giant babes for leaving you at this moment- I just had to go.* 

I run my hardest out of the bike trail and come onto the pavement. 
I can see the finish line. 
Everyone is looking at me. 
Everyone is cheering. 
This is exciting! 
Try to control the jiggle, Sheree. 
Hyoid engaged. 
Stand up straight. 
Omg my shin splints. OMG DO NOT stop. 

The finish line is RIGHT THERE! 

I caught sight of my dad, my brother, and Josh. I am so relieved! They are cheering me on :) 

HI GUYS!! LOOK AT ME! I’M RUNNING! 

Shane comes up and starts a FULL ON SPRINT “COMMON! FASTER!!”  I FULL ON SPRINT my absolute hardest to keep pace with him and make it to the finish line. 

YES!!!!! What a relief! 

A) I was not dead last. 
B) I finished! 

I can say without a doubt: I loved every single second of this race. 

My stats are as follows: 
Rank: 652/748 
Rank in Age Range (19-29):  56/67 
Time: 53:50 
Pace: 17:22min/miles 

I feel so extremely proud of my family, fellow warrior Giant babes, and myself. I am thankful I have such an amazing support group who wanted to join me in this journey at 8am on the 4th of July :) I LOVE YOU GUYS! And I am forever grateful. 

I am also feeling confident that I can beat this time and actually be pretty awesome at the Giants 5k Race in September. I just need to keep training hard and eating healthy to keep me going. 

I SO go this. 

2 months, 6 Days and counting! I AM GOING TO BE GIANT!!! 

08

Jul

yogatreehouse:

Being unique is a beautiful thing :)
shineflower:

fitnessandsuchx:

aw!

Adorable!

Too cute :)

yogatreehouse:

Being unique is a beautiful thing :)

shineflower:

fitnessandsuchx:

aw!

Adorable!

Too cute :)

(Source: fitnessiam)

05

Jul

Get caught up- New blog coming tomorrow! [mygiantjourney.tumblr.com]👟🙏☀❤😜#run #running #5K #fatgirl #weightloss #fit #fitspo #fitsporation #health #healthy #instahealth #instafitness #dedication #motivation #body #exercise #diet #lifestyle #sweat #justdoit #getsome (Taken with Instagram)

Get caught up- New blog coming tomorrow! [mygiantjourney.tumblr.com]👟🙏☀❤😜#run #running #5K #fatgirl #weightloss #fit #fitspo #fitsporation #health #healthy #instahealth #instafitness #dedication #motivation #body #exercise #diet #lifestyle #sweat #justdoit #getsome (Taken with Instagram)